Friends

This is actually my first time posting in a community. I just wanted to get some feedback on this story I wrote. It's not the first story I wrote, but it's the first that has been posted in a community. Maybe a comment or two?

This was written for our school paper. The editor assigned me to write a story about love. Since the whole school, including the children, are going to receive this paper, I planned to make it child friendly. It was supposed to be about a bratty student who turned out to have leukemia, but since it sounded a little too sad for a child, I changed it to something inspired by children's riddles - Humpty Dumpty. This story narrated in a child's point of view shows her determination to save Humpty Dumpty after feeling sad for his miserable end, that "he couldn't be put together again..."


( Here it goes... )

Hey guys. Wrote another short story, it's the third one or so that I've posted here. You guys have been tremendously helpful in the past and even if this isn't good it's certainly a step up from my earlier stuff IMO.

I will award any readers/critics with free hugs and internets as well as my thoughts on anything you've written.

Details:
-5,000 words
-Some harsh language
-Fairly darkish tone

If you don't like reading in the LJ format feel free to read it in PDF form here: http://disc.420chan.org/lit/src/Julian%20and%20the%20Worm.pdf

 

( Read more... )

A quick write, non-beta or whatever, just going with an sudden idea in my head.

Might include material that might offend some people. I use a mixture of British and American english, so my grammar and spelling might not be work out for some people.

About the lives of three people in an apartment. I know this is done before but I've never read anything about this so here it goes. Sorry for spelling errors and etc.
( The Lives )

Here is another peice up for feed back. It is a peice on lycanthropy but I swear on my children's lives I had the synopsis for this one worked out a year before I even heard of 'Twilight'. What I have here is just the prologue. Essentially the main character has no idea what she is and went through quite a lot as a child because her parents didn't have much of a clue either.

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renaissance2010
Turning to photography as a creative outlet during a valiant fight with breast cancer at age 34, renaissance10 survived and set up a photo contest to help raise funds for the Lavender Trust, a nonprofit that provides information and support to younger women with breast cancer. In the first two years, the competition brought in over £65,000 (that's $107,260.73 U.S.!), with entries from 130 countries last year. Renaissance10 recently joined LiveJournal to meet other passionate photographers and find supportive friends.

curiouscupcakes
Holy buttercream frosting! If you have a sweet tooth for sugary goodness or a wandering eye for whimsical confection, this is pure ecstasy iced in deliciousness. Hailing the beloved cupcake as the artisinal canvas of choice, you'll enjoy recipes, photos, and bountiful tips to bake up a batch, whether your taste leans toward French classics or funky and flavorful.

mission101
With New Years in the offing, it's an ideal time to reflect on past accomplishments, make peace with disappointments, and refocus the lens on future goals. This community welcomes you to create a bucket list of 101 things you plan to accomplish in the next 1,001 days. Offering support, guidance, and inspiration, this is a great way to jumpstart those pesky resolutions.

He knew the relationship was doomed the moment she got out of bed and began praying loudly. She was in fact louder than she had been throughout their hour long bout of love making. Well, he thought it had been love making. But as he listened to her at the foot of the bed with her hands clasped together so tightly that her knuckles were white and her eyes clamped shut as she swayed back and forth slowly in her nakedness, he learned that he was wrong.

"Oh dear Lord," she called out so loudly that ne nearly fell out of the bed, "please take us into your loving bosom and forgive us the wanton carnality of our acts in your divine presence. Know, oh mighty God, that it was not my wish to transgress so egriously. I did not wish to indulge in drink and flesh..."

And that's how it went for ten minutes; her espousing to an appearantly angry and bitter god how terribly wicked and evil they both were but oh golly gee, Mr Jesus, I sure hope you'll forgive us. Meanwhile, he slowly crawled deeper into the relative safety and comfort the down comforter his grandmother had made for him and wondered what she'd say about him now.

"...and I certainly did not expect or grant him permission to stick his finger in my ass, Jesus," she said. "And while the sex was fantastic, for that alone you may smite him however you see fit."

"So, you won't be staying for pancakes then?" he said with a sigh.

This is a piece of flashfic - roughly 500 words long. It addresses vaguely the idea of being gender queer, transitioning, coming of age, and generally being a miserable young adult. The subject's name is Kyle.

( skinny hands, bony wrists, spindly fingers )

Another Poem.

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i_hope_that
For many of us, the holidays can be kind of rough. If you're searching for a network of understanding friends, this ultra-nurturing community encourages you to express your heartfelt wishes and offer other members encouragement and acceptance. Not for the terminally snarky or emotionally-challenged, this is a good-spirited place to lend comfort and support.

diygifts
Feeling crafty? If you've got a few last folks on your holiday gift list, this is a great place to seed your creativity and generosity. You'll also discover wonderful DIY tips to decorate your home and entertain guests. Offering a no-frills-no-skills attitude that welcomes the cash-challenged and arts-phobic, you're sure to get ideas and make friends in the process.

cooking_club
A fun and friendly community dedicated to those who love to cook, whether you're a meat-and-potatoes type, an aspiring gourmand, and/or a vegan. In search of a brilliant dish to use up those weekly leftovers? Post your ingredients and you'll be whipping up a feast by dinner. You can also share favorite recipes. For Type A chefs, you can spice up your culinary repertoire with exciting cooking challenges.

“Weren’t you trained never to point a gun at your partner?”

 

( Read more... )

I've just thought when asked to look through something for someone that beyond the basic point of grammar and spelling/plot (eg something doesn't make sense or continuity) mistakes what else should people be looking for?

I'm probably going to be looking through stories/film scripts in the future but it just occured to me that there could be more I should be looking for. And I don't quite know what it is.

Any suggestions?

And another poem! :)

( Wicked )

Hello. I'd really love some feedback and have been disappointed with the lack of feedback from Facebook. Haha. So I figured this would be the best place to go!

Here's to a long and fruitful relationship! I think this poem is one of my best.

( Anthem )

stepstomarrow
When granddaughter, Jada, was born with leukemia, a donor-match was located and Jada made a miraculous recovery. In honor of her grandaughter's health, Jeanna has decided to walk across the country (in the dead of winter) to raise awareness and build support for the bone marrow registry (all that's required is a cheek swab). Follow Jeanna's remarkable journey as she travels the United States by foot.